If you're new here, Chase was my beloved, but bitey Border Collie.
On October 21, 2025 we said good bye to my beloved border collie Chase. He was just shy of 15, and the longest relationship I have ever had. A rescue that had been beaten and discarded, he came to me with so many issues- worst of all he was a biter. But he arrived in my life at a time that I needed to make some big changes in my life.
I believe he saved me from myself. We helped each other do better and bonded in a way I have never experienced before. He bit my now husband when I first got him (among many other people), and we like to say that Chase picked Nick for me.
He was a total jock in his youth and even as he was dying still loved to play, even if only to have the ball in his mouth. His smile- “summer face Chase” could brighten even the darkest moment.
He left us just after I arrived in Portland to work, and it’s weighed heavily on me that I wasn’t there for him, even though I know Nick comforted him. I have been quietly grieving. It comes in waves, most often when I am alone on the studio, (so if you get a piece from this collection, it literally contains the tears cried for the loss of the purest love ❤️) or riding the bus, or walking past someone with a dog. It’s just so hard. But I came to work so I am trying to channel my grief into creating. Grieving Chase has definitely affected my output, but I am really proud of the work I have made- it's truly made from my heart.
I found this writing about the loss of our canine loved ones and it’s so much more eloquent than anything I can say:
“But you know what’s coming next. It’s what always comes next with dogs. Graying muzzles, creaking hips, tumors. To have an old dog is to look into the eyes of the sweetest soul you know and see traces of the early light of the worst day of your life. When that day comes there is no universally recognized ritual of mourning. No one expects you to take time off from work. No one understands that you cannot answer the phone for a week. No one likes it when you say the barbaric truth, which is that because pets occupy a sphere of uncomplicated, unwavering love, because their love actually becomes absorbed into the architecture of your home, their deaths can be more devastating than even the death of a close friend or family member.” (From The Unspeakable: And Other Subjects of Discussion)
If you have ever considered a canine companion, please consider rescue. Chase would have been euthanized at the age of 1, had Hopes Haven, not found him a foster, and ultimately connected he and I. He was not an easy dog, but he was my little protector and shadow and we had many adventures together over our 14+ years. The joy and love he brought into my life was worth every stressful moment of training him to be a "normal" dog. My heart is broken, but I know with time I will find another rescue and we can save each other in new and different ways.